The young secretary was describing her evening's exploits to a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly, "Then what happened?" "He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your resolve did you?" asked the
friend. "Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let HIS mother worry..."

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat. The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed" The second kid replies, "Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the night shift, he sleeps with the lady next door."

A young boy and a young girl are playing in a sunny field alone. After a while they both are very hot so after much discussion they take off their shirts... that helps a lot and they continue playing.

At some time later the boy asks the girl "What are those things?" (Pointing to her breasts)?

 She says "they are my headlights;You look you have them too but they are kinda smaller" so they continue playing.

 Later, the boy has a bee fly up his pant leg so he hurriedly removes his pants. The young girl asks (pointing at his p*nis)" What is that?"

 He replies "Why that's my plug, don't you have a plug? " (It's beginning to get dark by now)

 She says "No - I have this." (She removes her pants.)

 The boy says "I can't see too well but it looks like you have a socket. Hey, I have a idea. If I stick my plug into your socket it will make our headlights light up! "
---
The girl called a sex therapist and said, "Remember when you told me the way to a man's heart was through his stomach? Well, last night I found a new route... Now I need some birth control pills." The doc asked, "What's his occupation?" The girl said, "Army." "Active or retired?" "If he wasn't active, I wouldn't need these damn pills, would I?!"

The man brought the girl back to his apartment, took off his clothes, and said, "I'd like you to meet my little friend." She took a look, gathered up her clothes, then said, "Call me when your little friend grows up."

"Mother," the young woman asked, "remember when you told me the way to a man's heart was through his stomach?" "Sure," her mother answered. "Well," the girl went on, "last night I think I may have found a new route."

"How is it I find you sleeping with my daughter?" stormed the outraged father. "I ask you, you little b*stard, how is it?!" "Why, just great, sir," replied the calm young man, 'just great!"

When you've worked in a vibrat*r manufacturing plant for as long as I have, the "When do you get off?" joke gets really old.

Alimony: The billing without the cooing. 

Till next time,keep LOLling.

Leaving the wedding reception the honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn't too sure how to get there and said he would ask directions when they got closer. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait and got down to it on the back seat. Seeing a fork in the road the driver said, "I take the next turn, right?" "No way, get your own," said the groom, "this one's all mine."

3 old guys are sitting on a porch in Miami. Suddenly the first sighs and says, "Gentlemen, isn't life horrible. Here I am at an age that I can afford the best steaks and what? Bad teeth and gums. I have to eat ground or soft foods." The second answers, "Yeah, life is a real bummer. Why here I am at an age where I can buy the finest wines, champagne but what? Ulcers, I have to drink milk." The third sighs
loudly and adds, "Gentlemen, I know exactly what you mean. Last night at 2 am I nudged my wife and asked her if she's interested. She screams at me, "What is wrong with you dear? We just got finished doing it for the second time tonight!" After a long pause the first man says, "So what is your problem?" The third one grunts and says, "Can't you see? My memory is going."

A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have s*x?" The big guy says, "I just sit there, n*ked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down." His friend says, "You know, that don't sound too bad." The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I got somebody to talk to."

John received a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago." John says, "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?" She says, "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the backseat. You told me I was a good sport." John says, "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?" Susan says, "I'm pr*gnant and I'm going to kill myself." John says, "Say, you ARE a good sport."

A rich Beverly Hills woman got very angry at her maid. After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid. The maid couldn't allow such abuse to go unanswered. "Your husband considers me a better housekeeper and cook than you, Madam." "I suppose my husband told you that?" "Yes, he did. And furthermore," the angry maid continued, "I am better in bed than you!" "And I suppose my husband told you that, too?" "No, Madam," said the maid. "The mailman did."


"And now," the physician said to the shy girl, "please undress." "All
right, doctor," she blushed, "But you first."

After the couple's beers were served, the man took his back to the
counter. After telling the female bartender why he wasn't happy with
his beer, she slapped his face. When his wife asked why she slapped
him, he replied "I only asked her for some head."

Though the youthful and lusty Miss Bount
Had struggled her fullest amount
Against Dracula's might,
At the end of her fight
I hear she went down for the Count

Till next time,keep LOLling

"Hello?" Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman
repeated, "Hello?" Then a male voice whispered huskily, "I'll bet you
want me to come into your bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to
toe and make love to you until morning." "Geez," the woman replied,
"you can tell that from two hello's?"

The patrolman told her to get out of the truck, and noticed the
driver appeared to be putting something in her mouth as she stepped
out of the cab. Figuring the driver was putting away her pep pills,
the patrolman asked "Did I just see you swallow something?" "Yep,
that was my birth control pill," said the driver. "Birth control
pill?" asked the patrolman. "Yep, when I saw your flashing light, I
knew I was screwed."

Jill went to Kelly's place to tell her about a horrible experience
she had the previous night with Simon. Kelly asked, "Well, what
happened when you got there?" Jill said, "After sex, the Son of a
bitch called me a slut!" "What did you do then?" Kelly asked,
somewhat shocked. Jill said "I told Simon to get the hell out of my
bedroom, and take his eight friends with him!"

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection
plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by
curiosity, approached her. "Sister, I couldn't help but notice that
you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes,"
she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I don't
need, I give to the church." "That's wonderful, how much does he send
you?" "Oh, about $20,000 a week." "Your son is very successful, what
does he do for a living?" "He is a veterinarian," she answered. "That
is a very honorable profession," said the pastor. Where does he
practice?" "Well, he has one cat house in Las Vegas and another in
Reno."

A physiology professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular
contractions to his first-year medical students. Realizing that this
was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten
the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and
said," Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an
org*sm?" She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies." Class
had to be dismissed early.

Two guys were out walking home from work one afternoon. One said, "As
soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's panties off!" "What's
the rush?" his buddy asked. He replied, "The f*cking elastic in the
legs is killing me."

What did the first-grade teacher say to her pupils about getting in
line to go to the bathroom?
"Watch your queues and pee."

"My girl has an awful hangover." "Well, why don't you buy her one of
those new br*ssieres for her birthday?"

Why were the midget and the tall man fired from the circus?
One was sticking his nose in everybody's business, and the other was
sticking his business in everybody's nose.

Just as he was leaving for work the man's wife told him that there
was a leak in the plumbing. He told her to call a plumber and have it
fixed. When he got to work he gave her a call and asked "Has the
plumber come yet?" She replied "Not quite but I've got him breathing
hard."

My buddy went and joined a nudist camp last week. He said the first
day was the hardest.

Happy Vas*ctomy! Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine I got real snippy.

Mother's Day - Nine months after fathers day.

Good: Your wife meets you at the door n*de.
Bad: She's coming home.
Ugly: With a boyfriend.

Till next time,keep LOLling.

An Amish girl and her mother were driving their buggy one day in the
winter, when the girl told her mom that her hands were cold. She said
to put them between her legs, so she did. The next day the girl and
her boyfriend were riding in the buggy and he said to the girl that
his hands were cold. The girl said to put them between her legs and
he did. The next day the girl and her boyfriend were riding in the
buggy again and he told the girl that his nose was cold and she told
him to put it between her legs, so he did. The next day the girl and
her boyfriend were riding in the buggy and he told her that his p*nis
was frozen solid, so she told him to put it between her legs and he
did. The next day the girl was riding in the buggy with her mother
and asked her if she knew what a penis was. She replied, "Yes, why?"
"Because they sure do make a mess when they thaw out."

The parlor maid in the home of a famous acting family was openly
desired and admired by the nineteen-year- old son of the household.
He schemed and schemed, but could think of no way to get the young
woman into his bed. Finally, one evening, opportunity presented
itself and he persuaded the young miss to join him between the
sheets. Much to his despair and chagrin, his weapon refused to come
to attention. "Don't feel so bad," the parlor maid said. "The same
thing often happens to your father."

What do you do in case of fallout?
       Put it back in and take shorter strokes

A woman goes to a l*sbian pr*stitute. The pro starts to rub
the woman’s hand with pumice stone before they get on with it. The
woman asks, "What's the idea?" The pro replies, "Abrading the
hand is worth chewing the tush!"

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about
c*ndoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."

Paramedics rescued a 40 year-old man who got his manhood stuck in the
vacuum cleaner. The man stated his relationship with his vacuum
cleaner was purely s*xual - he didn't want any attachments.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
       Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job

Are birth control pills deductible?
       Only if they don't work.

He said... Want a quickie?
She said...As opposed to what?

Till next time,keep LOLling.

Two Columbia Yuppies, neighbors for years, were constantly trying to "out-status" each other, The first man mentioned that his daughter had just been accepted at Vassar. "That's nice," replied the other, "but the main thing the girls really learn there is forn*cation." The first man became irate and said, "I'll have you know my wife attended Vassar!" The neighbor smiled and said, "Take it from me pal, she
certainly could use a refresher course."

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while." Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom. "Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who paddled our butts just for  sucking our thumbs."

Little Red Riding Hood was talking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother, when suddenly a wolf jumped out from behind a tree. "Ah-ha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got you. And I'm going to eat you!" "Eat! Eat! Eat!" Little Red Riding Hood said angrily. "Damn it! Doesn't anybody f*ck anymore?"

A young Apache boy asked his father, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bob, Don, Tex or Sam, for example?" His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive. For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was conceived, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake. Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was conceived on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our
capacity to live and the life force of our people." His father continues. "It's very simple and easy to understand. Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Cond*m Made in China?"

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class "children, if you know the answer, please raise your hand! Tell me things you can suck! After several children had answers such as a popsicle and a lollypop, Johnny called out, "A lamp." The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?" "Well,
last night when I passed my parents' bedroom," Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

Eye Contact: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a
man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so,
many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not
necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a
woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

He said... I don't know why you wear a br*; you've got nothing to put
in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

Till next time, keep LOLling.

An obnoxious guy walks into the neighborhood bar and sits next to a local honey already having her first beverage. As he tries to strike up a conversation she keeps ignoring him. Finally he says, "You know me, why don't you talk to me?" She replies, "Yes, I know you, you're Morgan - big M, small organ."

A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a charge of best*ality. "I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer," he continued, "who's not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really knows how to pick a jury." The
farmer settled on the cheap attorney, but immediately had second thoughts when the key witness, a neighbor, began his testimony. "I saw Jed mount his goat from behind," he said, "and when he was finished, I saw the goat turn around and lick Jed's pecker." The accused farmer was devastated and had all but given up hope of acquittal when a juror in overalls whispered to the fellow next to him, "You know, a good goat will do that."

A 90-year old man announces his intention to marry a woman of 30. He is persuaded to have a medical exam first. "Everyone tells me I need a checkup to see if I'm se*ually fit," he says to the doctor. "O. K." says the medic, "Let me see your s*x organs." So the old guy sticks out his tongue and his middle finger.

One day a small boy was at school. In Social Studies class his teacher was talking about peoples last names, about how in the old days their last name used to be their occupation. She gave examples like Baker, which meant they where a baker for a living, Miller meant that person worked in a mill, and so on. Then the little boy
raised his hand and the teacher said "Do you have an example for the
class?" He said " Not really, more of a question." "Well what's your question?" the teacher asked. "Well," said the little boy, "What did John Hancock do for a living?"

The real-estate mogul was delighted by the comely new receptionist, and proceeded to turn all of his charms upon her. Within a few weeks, however, he grew extremely displeased at her growing tardiness. "Listen, baby," he roared one morning, "we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late?"
The secretary replied sweetly, "My lawyer."

To truly love another, you must first love yourself...And it wouldn't hurt to wash your hands in between.

A hard man is good to find 

I blame my mother for my poor s*x life. All she told me was, "the man
goes on top and the woman underneath." For three years my husband and
I slept on bunk beds.

What's the difference between a pr*gnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.

"Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be
home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in
another man's arms. "Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a
few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

The Vatican has decided that it is not a sin to kiss a nun, just
don't get into the habit.

"Dinner, wine, music, dancing, flowers -- he used all the moves to get me between the sheets," Jill confessed to her best friend. "And, what happened?" Jill sighs and says, "All of them worked!"

What is the difference between frustration and panic?
Frustration is the first time you discover you can't do it the second time.
Panic is the second time you discover you can't do it the first time.

"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
After four I'm under my host!"

V*rgin: A girl who whispers sweet nothing doings.

Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.
Ugly: Your wife is the preliminary act

Did you hear about the blonde that thought that asphalt was rectum
trouble.

Till next time,keep LOLling.

 

A young woman, feeling morning dizziness and strange cravings, goes to see a gynecologist. After a thorough examination, the Doctor tells  her: "Well, my dear, I am puzzled; the test shows that you are
pregnant, but when I examined you, I found that you are still a  virgin. I mean, your hymen is not ruptured, except for seven tiny  holes, a little more that pinpricks, actually...

Can you guess who she was?

Yess, right… Snow White.

"My boyfriend and I had hardly finished one argument when I screwed up and started another one." said Jill. "How'd you do that?" asked  Margaret. "Well," says Jill "you know when you're done with a big
fight and your significant other suggests a little 'make-up s*x'?" "Yeah" says Margaret. Jill replies, "I guess it wasn't the right time for me to ask, 'Does it have to be with you?'"


Imagine the girl's surprise when she walked into the playboy's apartment and discovered he had no chairs, no tables, no bed, no furniture at all. She was floored!

What is it about submarines that women love so much?
The concept of a long, hard cylinder filled with seamen.

Then there was the bachelor who continually felt the need to insert his masculinity.

We just overheard a couple of our new interns discussing one of the more dashing members of our staff. "He dresses so well," said one. "And so quickly," replied her girlfriend.

When the sultan entered his harem unexpectedly, his wives let out a terrified sheik.

B*a: A modern device used for the upliftment of the downfallen ones.

Good girls prefer the missionary position
Bad girls do too, but only for starters
Naughty girls add some new chapters in the K*ma S*tra

Confucius say man who walk through airport door sideways, going to Bangkok.

She was only a Musician's daughter, but she knew all the bars in town.

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.

Why don't men blink during s*x?
They don't have enough time

Hey,everybody...soo sorry for having been away for quite some time...won't happen again,I hope...sighh..time flies.

Sunday morning... Pappu is just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So he heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello?" Says a little girl`s voice.
"It`s Daddy," Says Pappu. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
After a brief pause, "But you haven`t got an Uncle Sonu!"
"Yes I do, and he`s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here`s what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and uncle Sonu that my car`s just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she`s all dead."
"Oh my God... And what about uncle Sonu?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he`s dead too."
There is a long pause, then Pappu says, "Swimming pool!!?!? Is this 510603....?"
----
On the day of the wedding, Laura was getting dressed surrounded by all Her family when she suddenly realized she had forgotten to get any shoes.

Panic! Then Her sister remembered she had a pair of white shoes from Her wedding, so she lent them to Laura for the day.

Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over, Laura's feet were agony.

When she and Edward withdrew to their room, the only thing she could think of was getting Her shoes off.

The rest of the family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected: grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream.

Eventually they heard Edward say, "God, that was tight."

"There," whispered the Queen, "I told you she was a virgin."

Then, to their surprise they heard Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one."

This was followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said, "My God, that was even tighter"

"That's my boy," said the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."
----
A woman was at home looking in the mirror carressing her breasts when her husband came home from work.
He said what are you doing fondling your breasts like that?
She replied I went to the dr. today and he said i have breasts of a 25 yr old.
The husband said what did he say about your 50 yr old ass?
She said oh we didnt talk about you at all.
----
The young couple were holding hands in the Nudist camp.
Guy: When I tell you I love you why do you always lower your eyes?
Girl answered shyly: To see if it's true
----

Q: What is the definition of innocence? A: A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.
Q: What's the difference between a policeman's knightstick and a magician's wand? A: A Magician's wand is for cunning stunts.

What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a bl*w job.

Till next time,keep LOLling

A guy sees his best friend on the street. The friend is wearing a flamboyant outfit. Lime colored trousers, a puff sleeved, lavender shirt, a puce ascot, etc. So he asks his friend, “what in the world is wrong with you?” “Oh, my wife,” the friend replies. “Your wife?” queries the first guy. “Yea. I saw an ad in the paper for Cox‘s Men‘s
Store. They were having a great sale on seersucker suits. So I told her, go to Cox‘s and buy me one of those seersucker suits. So what does she do? She goes to Sears to buy me a suit.”

Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's terrible," she said to the doctor. "I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week." "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor. "Oh, yes," Aunt Cora replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night." "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take
anything?" "Of course I do." she answered, "I take a magazine!"

Little Johnny's teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living. Little Mary got up and said "my Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect." "Great," said the teacher. Michael got up and said " my Dad is a Doctor, and my Mom is a housewife." "Good," said the teacher. Johnny was last in the class
and when he got up he said: "My Mommy, she is a substitute." Knowing better about his background and always striving to correct the kids,the teacher said, "you mean she is a pr*stitute." "No," Said Johnny, "my Sister, she is the pr*stitute, but when she does not feel well, my Mommy substitutes."

What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?
An armadildo.

A useless message in my in-box trumpeted, "Satisfy the girls with a bigger di*k!" Hey, I wouldn't be caught dead with a girl with a di*k,especially if it's bigger than mine.

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married,
did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"

Frigid: A man's term for a woman who wants to have s*x less often than he does.

Nymph*: A man's term for a woman who wants to have s*x more often than he does.

Good girls say no
Bad girls say when?
Naughty girls don't say anything, they just moan and scream a lot.

Till next time, keep LOLling.

There was a schoolteacher in the little old school which was teaching
s*x ed. The class was comprised of only 8 students, due to the size
of the school. One of the little girls there asked, "According to the
Bible, it says that Adam came first, then Eve. The teacher replied,
"Yes, dear, that is true, according to the Word Of God." The girl
responded, "Daddy always told me it is Ladies before Gentlemen.
Didn't that rule apply during the Creation time?" Our teacher gets a
smile on her face... she said, "Dearie, Adam came first -- trust me!
And every man since him came first, too!"

One day an insurance salesman knocked on a door. A little boy
answered the door and the gentleman asked if his mother was home. The
little boy said "No, she is at the whore house." The bright salesman
asked if she was a pr*stitute, and the little boy replied, "No, she
is a substitute. She only works Wednesdays and Fridays during the
rush." The salesman said, "Well I'll be a son-of-a-b*tch." The little
boy said "Well, I'm one too, but I don't go around knocking on doors
telling folks."

Bill asks Doug to go with him for a drink. Doug replies, "Sorry Bill,
I have to go to the drugstore to pick up a 'patch' subscription for
my wife. She's quitting smoking today." "Oh okay, well, good luck to
her!" Bill said. "Yeah, well it is really lucky me," grinned Doug. "I
told her to let me know any time she has an urge to put something in
her mouth to suck on."

There was a little boy who was learning how to count. He had mastered
the halfway point to a hundred, but was having some problems
afterward. One day, he was counting, and he got to 58... 59, and
asked what came next. Mom told him, "Sixty. Sixty is the next
number." When he got to 69, he asked, "What comes after 69?" His
father was just walking in the door from work, heard only the
question, and he replied, "Listerine!"

A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical
island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one
day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half ripped
off, washes up onto shore upon a piece of driftwood. He explains to
her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and eating
fruits and berries. She says, "Well, what did you do for love?" He
says, "Love? What's that?" She says, "I'll show you." She shows him.
Then she shows him again. Then she shows him one more time. When
they're finally done, she says, "Well, how do you like love?" He
says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."

Answering Machine Recording: You have reached the br*ast self-
examination hot line. Please press 1 now... Now press the other one."

The squeaking of the bedsprings increased in intensity. Then,
silence. Her quiet voice broke the stillness of the darkened room.
“I‘m not myself tonight,� she insisted. “Well, whoever you are,� he
sighed, “it certainly is an improvement.�

Damsel at a medieval Inn: “A room for the night and a knight for the
room.�

If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before
approving Vi*gra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth chart?

A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers, "I can lick any man
in the place!" The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says,
"Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a g*y bar?

What do a blonde and a good beer have in common?
    They both go down easy.

How can you tell that a guy is a real loser?
    When his idea of swinging is switching hands.

A blond's speed limit is 68, at 69 she blows a rod!

Nuns do it out of habit.

Confucius say woman with head in sand have crack up.

She was only a Librarian's daughter, but she was checked out from
cover to cover.

What did the chicken farmer want from the hooker?
       Egg head.

Till next time,keep LOLling.