The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men. It wasn't until four weeks later that someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.

A woman came screaming into the local police station shouting, "I've been graped! I've been graped!" The policeman on duty stared and said, "Madam, do you mean you've been rap*d?" "No," she said, "there was a bunch of them!"

The young novice nun soon realized that the absence of s*x in the convent was a problem. She confessed to Mother Superior that it was unhealthy and she was restless. "Comfort yourself with a candle," she was advised. "I've tried that," she said, "But you get tired of the same thing wick in and wick out.

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?" She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" and the man repeats his gestures "EYE-KNEE-THE RAKE". The wife replies that she understands and signals back - she first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What the heck was that?" She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH."

Till next time,keep LOLling.